Too good for words.

Niko could learn a few things about tackling from my mother.

"F**k yeah, team of the week AND my manager likes me - suck on that Charlie!"

My Mum is funny. I guess it runs in the family. So funny things always happen to her.
She told me today about this funny moment from one of the times she was flying; I'm sure she told me about it before but since I have a tendency to switch off during my parents' ramblings (like you don't!), it was pretty new to me.

So for one of her trips she happened to borrow a suitcase from a friend... and as you may have guessed, she eventually forgot what it looked like. She's often as absent minded as I am, so it's no wonder. So she picked up a suitcase she thought it was hers from the baggage carousel and headed for the exit.

Now imagine one of those long moving walkways at airports. Halfway on it she looks down and realizes the bag she's carrying is not hers at all. Panic ensues and she turns around to, well, leave the line and go back. As she suddenly halts, she messes up the queue of people behind her who start colliding with each other.

And as she looks down the line, she realizes there's the Croatian national football team, tripping over each other.

My Mom is not much of a football fan and I don't think she could name more than two players from the NT to save her life, so it would be useless to ask her about the details. But the idea of Charlie or Niko or anyone else really from the team bumping into each other and falling over (because of my mother of all people) is more than I can take.

In other news, the lovable and utterly impressive Mario Ančić is set to hold a lecture on sports law – at none other than Harvard. Apparently Mario is a nerd with admirable work ethics. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years his career was intercepted with various long term injuries or illnesses - but obviously he's found a constructive way to deal with the long breaks, and graduated from law school at the tender age of 22.

Also, just because it is too good not to share; my lunch was so made of win today.

The Groin Theory

Tottenham drew with Sunderland today, 1-1. I couldn't watch the match but I heard they were, well, pretty much shit again. Even Luka had a *meh!* time, and Charlie was kinda distracted. And it's not the first time this year either.

So it got me thinking, and working on a theory, the so called groin situation. You see, right before that friendly with Romania a month ago (that I promised to report about but probably never will ), there was a speculation about Charlie's supposed groin injury and how he'd be doubtful for the match. When the journalists asked him about it before the match, he replied, casually as always:

"Well, I do feel a tension, but it's nothing serious. There is no muscle damage... my groin is just hard."

I thought that was one of his best quotes ever and shame on me for failing to share it with the general public while it was still fresh.

It however compelled me to start paying special attention to that special area on pics from that moment on (hey it was all for a scientific research! ) and I believe I noticed a correlation between the groin situ and his recent dip in form.

You see, in the pre-2009 pics there is no groin situation. Charlie's as cool as a cucumber and so is his groin, he's always on top of things, having impressed pretty much everyone.

Click to enlarge evidence (teehee!)

No groin drama below.

But come 2009 and we suddenly notice the groin is alive. It does look exciting doesn't it, but I bet it's rather distracting, or so would young Mr Corluka have us believe, because with its first signs of life he's somewhat astrayed from his usual faultless self, and played fairly average.

Ahem.

(I'd enclose more pics as evidence, but I'm this close to a heat stroke.)

So what could be the reason for this sudden groin uprising and the absence of his normal 'talking-to-me?' attitude?

Talking to me?

A. Is there something on pitch that gets him excited?
B. Problems at home that leave him feeling unfulfilled?
C. Hormons / recent change of diet = an increased appreciation for pies? (notice how he's rounded up a bit in the last few months)

Let me know what you think!

Also:
Please leave your suggestions as to how I may help him overcome this - this is very important.
We thank you.

Joe Simunic is not crazy anymore.

About a year ago when I was in Berlin I stumbled into a Hertha fan shop to check for Joe's shirt, just because. I couldn't find it so I asked the shop assistant if they have it around.
"Are you kidding?", he asked in disbelief. "Psycho Joe Šimunić?" "The very one!" I replied.
"Who would want it?! He's the most hated player in the league!"

That made me sad. Joe is such a nice man, a gentle giant off the pitch, well spoken and polite guy, and a terrific footballer.

He just... sometimes sees red when he sees an opponent coming towards him. And sometimes it takes even less than that. His flipping outs are the stuff of legends. He's the pillar of defense, our Joe, it's either the ball or the player that can go past him, but never both of them together.


I understand why he was the most hated player in the league. He got sent off three times in five months, and when Joe comes charging, it doesn't look nice at all :-(

His other, more entertaining blackouts include playing heel passes in his own penalty box with three opponents on his back. Sometimes it works... and sometimes it doesn't.

You may also remember him as the only footballer ever to receive three yellows (Croatia vs Australia, WC 2006).


For all his great technique, natural talent and die-hard dedication, more often than not he was seen as a liability, and even those who supported him shuddered every time when the ball was in his possession - because you never ever knew just what he might do.

Well anyway, Crazy Joe is not crazy anymore.

I (and pretty much everyone else) already noticed a significant difference during the Euro last year, when he was our best player by a mile. Not to take anything away from the other guys, they were all great as far as I'm concerned (grrr Petrić!), but Joe was head and shoulders above everyone else. I thought Slaven got him on some kind of medications... but then he was voted the best defender in Bundesliga this season, with impressive stats of over 70% successful tackles.

And these days he revealed us his secret.

I always had the feeling that some people, like me, were there to be blamed for things. I was mad at some people, and disappointed in others. It made me a very frustrated man and a very aggressive player.

However, I realized that the point is not about who's guilty, but that a man is constantly improving himself. He must know how to channel properly his negative feelings and unhappiness. A disatisfied man cannot achieve good results. So in the end I only did harm to my team, opponents but mostly to myself. My past had two sides: it hardened me, but it also hurt me.

Whoa there! Where did this philosophical insight come from?

People from the club have already suggested I should work with psychologists. Like most other people, at first I thought it was silly and unnecessary. However, I soon changed my mind. I discovered psychology in the full sense of the word. I began to buy books and thoroughly study this complicated science.

I came to the conclusion that psychology is by far the most important aspect of professional sports. The difference between Nadal, Federer or Tiger Woods in relation to their opponents is in psychology. The physical differences in top-level sports are so minimal that the real difference is the mental viewpoint.

:-O

For three years I worked with a psychologist. Now I have calmed down. I learned a lot about my own body language, and I certainly learned a lot about harmful wasting of energy on unnecessary things.

When the player is angry at the referee or his team-mate because of some mistakes, he is in fact making himself unable to play, because he is losing concentration. It is impossible to play 34 matches a season without mistakes, and this is what athletes simply must come to terms with.

Niko adores him, I guess that says it all.

Bad-ass 26

Because I'm hitting a certain age when I'm getting older but men stay the same (thanks Tres Bien!), I've actually decided to take a look at those who grow old with me. Inspired by Lucy and Ali's BA 24 gang, I've done some research to find 26 year old footballers whom I could invite to be members of my bad-ass gang, and I've come to certain conclusions.

Click on thumbnails to enlarge pics.

First of all, my crowd can easily be divided into three categories: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Some may overlap of course, but I'll try to keep it simple.

The Good

They say you should always start with the positives, so I give you the lovable Kaká. He may belong to Jesus, but his towel belongs to me, and I think I'll take it back, now.




Next is Mikel Arteta, who is cute-ish and an awesome player and reminds me of the young Syd Barrett - it's the eyes. Add the fact he's BFF with Xabi (although he has a strange way of showing it) and I can only say - welcome Mr Arteta, please make yourself comfortable




I can't leave out Pepe Reina, the ever smiling camarero of the Spanish NT and Liverpool FC.



Marco Borriello doesn't mind getting nekkid for me



Then we have a Random Swedish Baller, who looks just like a Random Swedish Baller. I don't know much about him aside from the fact he plays for Werder Bremen, but he's a bit of a looker given the competition, so we'll put him in there too. Apparently he also goes by the name of Markus Rosenberg.




I could add Petr Čech here as well, just because I don't remember any of his mischiefs and because he, well, looks sheepish.

OK, on to more interesting stuff.

The Bad

Oh yeah. We have plenty of those. From playboys and womanizers to downright batshit crazies, BA 26 has it all.

I'll just say Joey Barton and leave it at that. Believe me, you would not want to meet BA 26 in a dark alley. Not that it means much to Joey, he has no stage fright when it comes to CCTV.

Antonio Cassano, oh yeah, the literary genius and a definite oddball.



Then we have Adriano and Jermain Defoe, da playaz, ya feelz me?




Finally, the surprise inclusion of a certain Victor Valdes. He may not look scary or mad at all, but don't be fooled for he prefers to talk using his hands instead.




EDIT: And Jermaine Pennant too

The Ugly

OK, most of the bad guys can find a place here as well, but I'll just go with the unfortunate ones.

Server Djeparov, the Uzekistani footballer, Asian player of the year and a Chelsea prospect shows off the it hairstyle for spring/summer 2009, that we hope will get back in style at football grounds around the galaxy. But he has a fierce rival in Fabricio Coloccini - it's more epic than the epic Derek Zoolander vs. Hansel showdown!



Not mentioned: Darijo Srna, Michael Essien, Alberto Gilardino, Phillipe Mexes, Helder Postiga, José Bosingwa...

So what can be learned from this?

1. We may not be all that pretty but you wouldn't want to say it to our face.
2. We are the ultimate BA group. We can kick your ass. We can kick anyone's ass. We will kick anyone ass.
3. We are bipolar as a group and as individuals. We have both angels and the spawn of Satan.
4. We are the icons of style.
   

Cast your judgment! Does the collective awesomeness of Kaká, Pepe Reina, Mikel Arteta and myself outweigh the ickiness of Joey Barton, Antonio Cassano and myself?