His kung fu is better than yours.

If there was ever any doubt Joe owned the world, this should quickly dispel it.
I can't tell you how much I love him.

Too good for words.

Joe Simunic is not crazy anymore.

About a year ago when I was in Berlin I stumbled into a Hertha fan shop to check for Joe's shirt, just because. I couldn't find it so I asked the shop assistant if they have it around.
"Are you kidding?", he asked in disbelief. "Psycho Joe Šimunić?" "The very one!" I replied.
"Who would want it?! He's the most hated player in the league!"

That made me sad. Joe is such a nice man, a gentle giant off the pitch, well spoken and polite guy, and a terrific footballer.

He just... sometimes sees red when he sees an opponent coming towards him. And sometimes it takes even less than that. His flipping outs are the stuff of legends. He's the pillar of defense, our Joe, it's either the ball or the player that can go past him, but never both of them together.


I understand why he was the most hated player in the league. He got sent off three times in five months, and when Joe comes charging, it doesn't look nice at all :-(

His other, more entertaining blackouts include playing heel passes in his own penalty box with three opponents on his back. Sometimes it works... and sometimes it doesn't.

You may also remember him as the only footballer ever to receive three yellows (Croatia vs Australia, WC 2006).


For all his great technique, natural talent and die-hard dedication, more often than not he was seen as a liability, and even those who supported him shuddered every time when the ball was in his possession - because you never ever knew just what he might do.

Well anyway, Crazy Joe is not crazy anymore.

I (and pretty much everyone else) already noticed a significant difference during the Euro last year, when he was our best player by a mile. Not to take anything away from the other guys, they were all great as far as I'm concerned (grrr Petrić!), but Joe was head and shoulders above everyone else. I thought Slaven got him on some kind of medications... but then he was voted the best defender in Bundesliga this season, with impressive stats of over 70% successful tackles.

And these days he revealed us his secret.

I always had the feeling that some people, like me, were there to be blamed for things. I was mad at some people, and disappointed in others. It made me a very frustrated man and a very aggressive player.

However, I realized that the point is not about who's guilty, but that a man is constantly improving himself. He must know how to channel properly his negative feelings and unhappiness. A disatisfied man cannot achieve good results. So in the end I only did harm to my team, opponents but mostly to myself. My past had two sides: it hardened me, but it also hurt me.

Whoa there! Where did this philosophical insight come from?

People from the club have already suggested I should work with psychologists. Like most other people, at first I thought it was silly and unnecessary. However, I soon changed my mind. I discovered psychology in the full sense of the word. I began to buy books and thoroughly study this complicated science.

I came to the conclusion that psychology is by far the most important aspect of professional sports. The difference between Nadal, Federer or Tiger Woods in relation to their opponents is in psychology. The physical differences in top-level sports are so minimal that the real difference is the mental viewpoint.

:-O

For three years I worked with a psychologist. Now I have calmed down. I learned a lot about my own body language, and I certainly learned a lot about harmful wasting of energy on unnecessary things.

When the player is angry at the referee or his team-mate because of some mistakes, he is in fact making himself unable to play, because he is losing concentration. It is impossible to play 34 matches a season without mistakes, and this is what athletes simply must come to terms with.

Niko adores him, I guess that says it all.

Bad-ass 26

Because I'm hitting a certain age when I'm getting older but men stay the same (thanks Tres Bien!), I've actually decided to take a look at those who grow old with me. Inspired by Lucy and Ali's BA 24 gang, I've done some research to find 26 year old footballers whom I could invite to be members of my bad-ass gang, and I've come to certain conclusions.

Click on thumbnails to enlarge pics.

First of all, my crowd can easily be divided into three categories: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Some may overlap of course, but I'll try to keep it simple.

The Good

They say you should always start with the positives, so I give you the lovable Kaká. He may belong to Jesus, but his towel belongs to me, and I think I'll take it back, now.




Next is Mikel Arteta, who is cute-ish and an awesome player and reminds me of the young Syd Barrett - it's the eyes. Add the fact he's BFF with Xabi (although he has a strange way of showing it) and I can only say - welcome Mr Arteta, please make yourself comfortable




I can't leave out Pepe Reina, the ever smiling camarero of the Spanish NT and Liverpool FC.



Marco Borriello doesn't mind getting nekkid for me



Then we have a Random Swedish Baller, who looks just like a Random Swedish Baller. I don't know much about him aside from the fact he plays for Werder Bremen, but he's a bit of a looker given the competition, so we'll put him in there too. Apparently he also goes by the name of Markus Rosenberg.




I could add Petr Čech here as well, just because I don't remember any of his mischiefs and because he, well, looks sheepish.

OK, on to more interesting stuff.

The Bad

Oh yeah. We have plenty of those. From playboys and womanizers to downright batshit crazies, BA 26 has it all.

I'll just say Joey Barton and leave it at that. Believe me, you would not want to meet BA 26 in a dark alley. Not that it means much to Joey, he has no stage fright when it comes to CCTV.

Antonio Cassano, oh yeah, the literary genius and a definite oddball.



Then we have Adriano and Jermain Defoe, da playaz, ya feelz me?




Finally, the surprise inclusion of a certain Victor Valdes. He may not look scary or mad at all, but don't be fooled for he prefers to talk using his hands instead.




EDIT: And Jermaine Pennant too

The Ugly

OK, most of the bad guys can find a place here as well, but I'll just go with the unfortunate ones.

Server Djeparov, the Uzekistani footballer, Asian player of the year and a Chelsea prospect shows off the it hairstyle for spring/summer 2009, that we hope will get back in style at football grounds around the galaxy. But he has a fierce rival in Fabricio Coloccini - it's more epic than the epic Derek Zoolander vs. Hansel showdown!



Not mentioned: Darijo Srna, Michael Essien, Alberto Gilardino, Phillipe Mexes, Helder Postiga, José Bosingwa...

So what can be learned from this?

1. We may not be all that pretty but you wouldn't want to say it to our face.
2. We are the ultimate BA group. We can kick your ass. We can kick anyone's ass. We will kick anyone ass.
3. We are bipolar as a group and as individuals. We have both angels and the spawn of Satan.
4. We are the icons of style.
   

Cast your judgment! Does the collective awesomeness of Kaká, Pepe Reina, Mikel Arteta and myself outweigh the ickiness of Joey Barton, Antonio Cassano and myself?