Venice Pwns

Darijo Srna you pwn the UEFA! (and the world)

2009-05-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

Darijo Srna, the first Croat ever to lift the UEFA trophy as the skipper, tonight after his side Shakhtar Donetsk beat Werder Bremen in the last ever UEFA cup final, 2-1.

How proud you have made us, oh captain!

American Adventure

2009-05-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

This blog is only temporarily on hiatus as I'm halfway through my big
American adventure.

A lot of things have been going on with the NT and our players, sadly
none of them were good :-(

Obviously I can't write in lengths at the moment but I'll just mention
that Niko's injury is actually much worse than we thought and his
season is over. He stands an off chance of playing vs Ukraine on June
6, (only our most important match this year!!!) but it's quite unlikely.

:-((

Who else is injured, oh yeah Ivica Krizanac broke his toe.
Rakitic is out too (basically our cover for Niko!), Eduardo is still
sidelines as well and even if he gets healthy by June, he won't be
match fit.
Apparently Stipe the goalie is out too.

:-((

Yeah I have nothing nice to say actually so I'll stop now.

I'm currently at West Virginia visiting my brother for his graduation.
I'm so proud of him! Spent the past 10 days in New York and loved it!
I'm coming back home next weekend so I'll talk more then.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Sent from iPhone

Poetry Time

2009-04-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

Venice comes from the land of Cro
full of hot people, don't you know?
Niko, and Charlie and marina boys
I wish I could make them all my toys

Niko loves to read romance
when you see him, he'll put you in a trance-
he's smart, articulate and adorable;
people who hate him are truly deplorable!

Charlie Corluka is Croatian;
a fine export from his nation.
He loves pies and wants to be a waiter-
This career he could pursue later.

Brought to you by the creative wits of lovely Steph and Callie!

Niko has a boo boo :-(

2009-04-18T03:16:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to be a happy post :-( but instead, this happened:

Niko got injured yesterday at the match with Bolton. He was excellent until that point, playing one of his best games this season. And then minute 77 happened, he was brought down in a bad tackle and hurt his left ankle. It looked horrible :-((

Of course, the initial speculations were way over the top, saying that he probably broke his ankle, which did nothing to ease my mind as you can guess. But soon after we got the news Niko was even able to walk a bit with no crutches so it's surely not as bad as it first looked. In fact, according to our NT doctors, he could be fit again in 10-20 days, depending on the extent of damage on his ligaments. And they'll know more after the MRI scan tomorrow.

I can't believe all the bad luck the boy's had this season! And just as he was getting his best form back, something like this happens :'-( poor Niko... Please footy gods, let him be OK!

Sad Niko is sad :-( I die :-(

In other news, Tottenham played Newcastle today and won 1-0. They were dominant throughout the match and basically toying with NU, but their end product simply wasn't there. Even the goal they scored was the result of a few lucky bounces, though credit to Bent, he used his chance well.

Both Luka and Charlie started the match as usual. Unfortunately, about half an hour in Dawson got injured in what eerily looked like a reprise of Niko's injury. He fell awkwardly and hurt his ankle, it looked really bad and he was obviously in a lot of pain :-(

According to the first news, they still don't know if it's a fracture or ligament damage and will have to wait for the checkup on Monday, but it doesn't look good...

Poor Michael, I quite like him. There's something childishly innocent about him, plus his committment is second to none. And such bad luck, he's been a replacement CB and the one break he gets, he gets injured :-(

So many sad faces to make today :-(

Luka played a great match again, as usual when they play at home - so that's one good news I can report I guess.

As for Charlie, he moved to CB after Daws was taken out, and Hutton was brought on as RB. Charlie seemed a bit absent minded to begin with, but he was doing alright until he switched to the center. He's had a few shaky moments there, even with Newcastle playing as poorly as they have. Well I can't say he's had a shocking game, but it was far from his brilliant performances in the recent few games.

Hutton however did well at RB, a few great crosses and seemed fresh, after being sidelined for long. Whatever Charlie may say, I've noticed awhile ago he just doesn't seem to be in it anymore when he has to play as centerback. And with King being selected whenever he's fit, I don't know where that leaves Charlie :-( not on the bench hopefully!

Fighting with the dark side.

Yeah, today is just one big sad face.

Match Report: Crondorra (Andorra Assimilated)

2009-04-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

Ivan Klasnić gives good thigh. Also scores good goals.

Hopefully this is the last time I have to tag Andorra. I mean, it's nice to have an opponent in the group that you know for sure you're going to beat, but I never liked those guys, they're too keen. Of the aggressive kind. Everyone goes on how Andorra are the weakest team in Europe, because they're the last amateur NT as far as I know. But what they lack in technical aspect they compensate in fouls and provocations. In comparison, from what I've seen of Kazakhstan, they're twice more desirable opponent, they neither play well or try as much.

The match was rather boring, not helped by the frantic camera that reminded me much of the one at Fratton Park, the one that's level with players. Great for hottyspotting, but terrible for keeping up with football as you can't link the moves. And football is the most important when NT are playing.

The little bit of excitement sadly came from a few imbeciles who thought it was a great idea to throw flares to the pitch. Križanac almost got hit. They weren't even at the terraces, but at the top of this rock that's above the pitch. I don't think I need to point out they were our "supporters". Poor Andorrans must've seen the flares for the first time as they were baffled, so Stipe the goalie had to take care of it and throw them out.

I was a bit gutted to see Slaven having to plead with them to stop as the ref was threatening to cancel the match. Although I thought he should've sent a few of his assistants up there to kick some butt.

Meanwhile, England beat Ukraine 2-1, which suit us great as now we're in a good position to win that second place and qualify for the barrage. We just need to win the match in June, which is the most important match for us this year, and beat Belarus and we should be spot on.

The match, well it best be forgotten, but there were some positives after all:

Three points!
NT time!
Clean shaven Niko, yummers!

And if I had to rate them, it would go like this:

Stipe - can't rate him as he had nothing to do, but I suppose I could give him a six for looking cute and that time he yelled at that Andorran player who ran into him on purpose.

Charlie - 5.5 I don't like him much at the moment, he was barely there. Didn't lose the ball or make mistakes, but his crosses were pretty bad and he kept trying his stupid little dribbles that lead to nothing. A little more respect Charlie, is all I'm asking.

Križanac / Vejić - 6 Our centerbacks did OK seeing that they had little to do.

Čale - 5 Did alright as a substitute in Romania, but with each match he's exposing himself as not up to the NT standard. Couldn't link up with Rakitić well, kept losing the ball and was probably the weakest link. Any remotely more serious opponent and we could've been in trouble. It's hard to believe he was once first pick over Charlie. Bring back Pranjić!

Srna - 6 Well he tried. He ran. And put in some crosses. And looked angry enough arguing with the flare throwing guys. I think the armband's doing him good, mentality wise.

Jurić - 5 Not impressed with this guy. He was a waste of space in my opinion, and I can't figure out how come he gets the pick over Vukojević or even Pokrivač. Granted it's only his second match but I don't think it'll work out.

Niko - 6.5 He was playing a central role but sitting quite deep - reminding me much of Xabi. He was quite good at it, except the whole midfield couldn't really string them passes together in such a packed area. He was giving directions to the centerbacks as well, and actually put in a couple of dedicated tackles. I like this new side of him. He ran quite a lot as well!

Rakitić - 6 Off color, but I'd cut him some slack because, well it just didn't seem to be working. Also, it wasn't his fault that he had a back up in Čale.

Klasnić - 7 A goal and an assist, and a lovely goal it was. I'm always chuffed for him in particular, for everything he's been through.

Eduardo - 6 Scored so yay, but it could've been ruled out for dangerous play - there was no contact with the goalie, but his leg was high up and in his direction after all. Also, while pushing over that mouthy Andorran might've been hot, it got him in the books and it's the last thing we need before Ukraine.

Match Preview: Andorra vs Croatia

2009-03-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored. The international week started last weekend and as much as I love NT gatherings, it's been so boring and uneventful this time. Sure there are some pics and cute clips from training, but as they have too much private time on their hands, and they are sinisterly, well, private about it, that doesn't leave me with much. How inconvenient.

Also, we could've easily played two matches within these ten days, a friendly and an official, like most other teams, so I don't understand how come our team took 10 days off to prepare for Andorra exclusively? Really? And now they're wasting time doing nothing. Playstation and fussball and Seinfeld re-runs. Yes, that's how they're spending most of their afternoons.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when they just hang about casually, and it's probably for the better that they aren't playing anyone else until Wednesday as so many of our first team players are injured (Olić, Petrić, Pranjić, Mandžukić are definitely out, Luka is doubtful and Slaven probably won't risk him, Charlie is being mended as we speak).

But surely Slaven didn't know that when they were arranging the match schedule. They gave up on a friendly in November as it was 'pointless', and they've wasted this term now as well. I don't understand.

Well anyway, this is most likely the team that will run out vs Andorra*:

* yes I stole this from another forum...

And this is where they'll be playing:

The capacity is about 1200, but far more important than that is the state of the pitch which is not fit for professional football. But as it happens, Andorrans refused our offer to play at Nou Camp instead, even though they did so with England - in other words, "who the f**k are you?" Ah well. They deserve a good stuffing anyway.

Some stats: We played Andorra in three qualifying rounds so far, and have a pretty good goal difference, 22-0. That's 4,4 goals per match - hopefully this means there'll be a goleada on Wednesday as well.

What to say about them? Hack'n'slash really. I noticed at the last match their #7 had some ball skills but all in all, it should be easy peasy. The only concern is none of the guys get hurt due to the bad pitch conditions.

His kung fu is better than yours.

2009-03-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

If there was ever any doubt Joe owned the world, this should quickly dispel it.
I can't tell you how much I love him.

Too good for words.

2009-03-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Niko could learn a few things about tackling from my mother.

2009-03-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

"F**k yeah, team of the week AND my manager likes me - suck on that Charlie!"

My Mum is funny. I guess it runs in the family. So funny things always happen to her.
She told me today about this funny moment from one of the times she was flying; I'm sure she told me about it before but since I have a tendency to switch off during my parents' ramblings (like you don't!), it was pretty new to me.

So for one of her trips she happened to borrow a suitcase from a friend... and as you may have guessed, she eventually forgot what it looked like. She's often as absent minded as I am, so it's no wonder. So she picked up a suitcase she thought it was hers from the baggage carousel and headed for the exit.

Now imagine one of those long moving walkways at airports. Halfway on it she looks down and realizes the bag she's carrying is not hers at all. Panic ensues and she turns around to, well, leave the line and go back. As she suddenly halts, she messes up the queue of people behind her who start colliding with each other.

And as she looks down the line, she realizes there's the Croatian national football team, tripping over each other.

My Mom is not much of a football fan and I don't think she could name more than two players from the NT to save her life, so it would be useless to ask her about the details. But the idea of Charlie or Niko or anyone else really from the team bumping into each other and falling over (because of my mother of all people) is more than I can take.

In other news, the lovable and utterly impressive Mario Ančić is set to hold a lecture on sports law – at none other than Harvard. Apparently Mario is a nerd with admirable work ethics. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years his career was intercepted with various long term injuries or illnesses - but obviously he's found a constructive way to deal with the long breaks, and graduated from law school at the tender age of 22.

Also, just because it is too good not to share; my lunch was so made of win today.

The Groin Theory

2009-03-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

Tottenham drew with Sunderland today, 1-1. I couldn't watch the match but I heard they were, well, pretty much shit again. Even Luka had a *meh!* time, and Charlie was kinda distracted. And it's not the first time this year either.

So it got me thinking, and working on a theory, the so called groin situation. You see, right before that friendly with Romania a month ago (that I promised to report about but probably never will ), there was a speculation about Charlie's supposed groin injury and how he'd be doubtful for the match. When the journalists asked him about it before the match, he replied, casually as always:

"Well, I do feel a tension, but it's nothing serious. There is no muscle damage... my groin is just hard."

I thought that was one of his best quotes ever and shame on me for failing to share it with the general public while it was still fresh.

It however compelled me to start paying special attention to that special area on pics from that moment on (hey it was all for a scientific research! ) and I believe I noticed a correlation between the groin situ and his recent dip in form.

You see, in the pre-2009 pics there is no groin situation. Charlie's as cool as a cucumber and so is his groin, he's always on top of things, having impressed pretty much everyone.

Click to enlarge evidence (teehee!)

No groin drama below.

But come 2009 and we suddenly notice the groin is alive. It does look exciting doesn't it, but I bet it's rather distracting, or so would young Mr Corluka have us believe, because with its first signs of life he's somewhat astrayed from his usual faultless self, and played fairly average.

Ahem.

(I'd enclose more pics as evidence, but I'm this close to a heat stroke.)

So what could be the reason for this sudden groin uprising and the absence of his normal 'talking-to-me?' attitude?

Talking to me?

A. Is there something on pitch that gets him excited?
B. Problems at home that leave him feeling unfulfilled?
C. Hormons / recent change of diet = an increased appreciation for pies? (notice how he's rounded up a bit in the last few months)

Let me know what you think!

Also:
Please leave your suggestions as to how I may help him overcome this - this is very important.
We thank you.

Joe Simunic is not crazy anymore.

2009-03-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

About a year ago when I was in Berlin I stumbled into a Hertha fan shop to check for Joe's shirt, just because. I couldn't find it so I asked the shop assistant if they have it around.
"Are you kidding?", he asked in disbelief. "Psycho Joe Šimunić?" "The very one!" I replied.
"Who would want it?! He's the most hated player in the league!"

That made me sad. Joe is such a nice man, a gentle giant off the pitch, well spoken and polite guy, and a terrific footballer.

He just... sometimes sees red when he sees an opponent coming towards him. And sometimes it takes even less than that. His flipping outs are the stuff of legends. He's the pillar of defense, our Joe, it's either the ball or the player that can go past him, but never both of them together.

I understand why he was the most hated player in the league. He got sent off three times in five months, and when Joe comes charging, it doesn't look nice at all :-(

His other, more entertaining blackouts include playing heel passes in his own penalty box with three opponents on his back. Sometimes it works... and sometimes it doesn't.

You may also remember him as the only footballer ever to receive three yellows (Croatia vs Australia, WC 2006).

For all his great technique, natural talent and die-hard dedication, more often than not he was seen as a liability, and even those who supported him shuddered every time when the ball was in his possession - because you never ever knew just what he might do.

Well anyway, Crazy Joe is not crazy anymore.

I (and pretty much everyone else) already noticed a significant difference during the Euro last year, when he was our best player by a mile. Not to take anything away from the other guys, they were all great as far as I'm concerned (grrr Petrić!), but Joe was head and shoulders above everyone else. I thought Slaven got him on some kind of medications... but then he was voted the best defender in Bundesliga this season, with impressive stats of over 70% successful tackles.

And these days he revealed us his secret.

I always had the feeling that some people, like me, were there to be blamed for things. I was mad at some people, and disappointed in others. It made me a very frustrated man and a very aggressive player.

However, I realized that the point is not about who's guilty, but that a man is constantly improving himself. He must know how to channel properly his negative feelings and unhappiness. A disatisfied man cannot achieve good results. So in the end I only did harm to my team, opponents but mostly to myself. My past had two sides: it hardened me, but it also hurt me.

Whoa there! Where did this philosophical insight come from?

People from the club have already suggested I should work with psychologists. Like most other people, at first I thought it was silly and unnecessary. However, I soon changed my mind. I discovered psychology in the full sense of the word. I began to buy books and thoroughly study this complicated science.

I came to the conclusion that psychology is by far the most important aspect of professional sports. The difference between Nadal, Federer or Tiger Woods in relation to their opponents is in psychology. The physical differences in top-level sports are so minimal that the real difference is the mental viewpoint.

:-O

For three years I worked with a psychologist. Now I have calmed down. I learned a lot about my own body language, and I certainly learned a lot about harmful wasting of energy on unnecessary things.

When the player is angry at the referee or his team-mate because of some mistakes, he is in fact making himself unable to play, because he is losing concentration. It is impossible to play 34 matches a season without mistakes, and this is what athletes simply must come to terms with.

Niko adores him, I guess that says it all.

Bad-ass 26

2009-01-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

Because I'm hitting a certain age when I'm getting older but men stay the same (thanks Tres Bien!), I've actually decided to take a look at those who grow old with me. Inspired by Lucy and Ali's BA 24 gang, I've done some research to find 26 year old footballers whom I could invite to be members of my bad-ass gang, and I've come to certain conclusions.

Click on thumbnails to enlarge pics.

First of all, my crowd can easily be divided into three categories: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Some may overlap of course, but I'll try to keep it simple.

The Good

They say you should always start with the positives, so I give you the lovable Kaká. He may belong to Jesus, but his towel belongs to me, and I think I'll take it back, now.

Next is Mikel Arteta, who is cute-ish and an awesome player and reminds me of the young Syd Barrett - it's the eyes. Add the fact he's BFF with Xabi (although he has a strange way of showing it) and I can only say - welcome Mr Arteta, please make yourself comfortable

I can't leave out Pepe Reina, the ever smiling camarero of the Spanish NT and Liverpool FC.

Marco Borriello doesn't mind getting nekkid for me

Then we have a Random Swedish Baller, who looks just like a Random Swedish Baller. I don't know much about him aside from the fact he plays for Werder Bremen, but he's a bit of a looker given the competition, so we'll put him in there too. Apparently he also goes by the name of Markus Rosenberg.

I could add Petr Čech here as well, just because I don't remember any of his mischiefs and because he, well, looks sheepish.

OK, on to more interesting stuff.

The Bad

Oh yeah. We have plenty of those. From playboys and womanizers to downright batshit crazies, BA 26 has it all.

I'll just say Joey Barton and leave it at that. Believe me, you would not want to meet BA 26 in a dark alley. Not that it means much to Joey, he has no stage fright when it comes to CCTV.

Antonio Cassano, oh yeah, the literary genius and a definite oddball.

Then we have Adriano and Jermain Defoe, da playaz, ya feelz me?

Finally, the surprise inclusion of a certain Victor Valdes. He may not look scary or mad at all, but don't be fooled for he prefers to talk using his hands instead.

EDIT: And Jermaine Pennant too

The Ugly

OK, most of the bad guys can find a place here as well, but I'll just go with the unfortunate ones.

Server Djeparov, the Uzekistani footballer, Asian player of the year and a Chelsea prospect shows off the it hairstyle for spring/summer 2009, that we hope will get back in style at football grounds around the galaxy. But he has a fierce rival in Fabricio Coloccini - it's more epic than the epic Derek Zoolander vs. Hansel showdown!

Not mentioned: Darijo Srna, Michael Essien, Alberto Gilardino, Phillipe Mexes, Helder Postiga, José Bosingwa...

So what can be learned from this?

We may not be all that pretty but you wouldn't want to say it to our face.
We are the ultimate BA group. We can kick your ass. We can kick anyone's ass. We will kick anyone ass.
We are bipolar as a group and as individuals. We have both angels and the spawn of Satan.
We are the icons of style.

Cast your judgment! Does the collective awesomeness of Kaká, Pepe Reina, Mikel Arteta and myself outweigh the ickiness of Joey Barton, Antonio Cassano and myself?

Will the media please stop talking about Charlie's beard like it's still there...

2008-11-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

Because Slaven didn't want our guys to play a friendly in November when the rest of the footballing world does, they now have a few days to sit on their scrummy bums and do nothing. The Croatian contingent at Spurs decided it was time to head home, and since that's obviously where I am, for the next couple of days Superman will be showing off his superior genetics within a reasonable distance.

So what do you think, should I present him with my ingenious babies making plan of world domination?
Discuss.

Doctor Charlie supervising a medical team performing a field surgery.

And because journalists need to make a living, they've jumped at them at the airport and got all the important answers - like when will Charlie shave. Even though he clearly shaved at least once since the no-shave talk.

"Shaving is such a pain in the arse, it really is", he said, "but I guess I'll muster the strength somehow - do I have to do it right now or can I wait until I get home?"

Where is Pompey's midfield Rembrandt at the moment - it is still undefined, but since he apparently picked up a minor injury during the week which made him miss this weekend's match, I guess he most likely stayed in England to let it heal. Considering he's just returned from a long-term injury, I can see why he's more dedicated than homesick.

From doctors to artists, our national team are l33t.

Meanwhile, the rumour mill at the Beeb says this:

Harry Redknapp is being linked with another of his former Portsmouth players today. Rumours suggest Spurs will launch a £12 million bid for midfielder Niko Kranjcar in January.

When asked for their opinions on the said matter, both Luka and Charlie made comments such as "OMG pls make it happen pls kthx!!1" and "w00t w00t!" which suggested they wouldn't have anything particularly against it.

But in a way I hope Niko will tell them, tough luck guys. (We all do, according to the poll.)
I don't really want them to get along on the pitch when they play for teams other than the national team. I want hot, intense, angry head to head situations, hissing, maybe even light shoving.
Most of all, I want to see Niko furious. For once. Just once. Please? Do it for me Charlie. If anyone on the pitch can bring it in him, it's you, you know that very well.

P.S. I'm worried that the reason Niko might be possibly considering a move to London in the January transfer window is the fact his MFEO Sarah is also coming there in January - coincidence, I think not

Nobody does a superhero better than superhero Charlie.

2008-11-13T02:15:00.000-08:00

Yeah yeah Tottenham won yesterday in the 4th round of the Carling Cup, they rolled over a weakened Liverpool side. I won't go on about the match when Gina already did that better than I could.

Instead I'll focus on Charlie, and how he was made of win last night. (Not that he usually isn't, mind you...)

The best defender on the pitch who hardly put a foot wrong, authoritative, decisive, composed and clean as usual. 99 minutes of keeping the defense tight, squeezing Nando off the ball occasionally, frowning at Lucas and generally looking too cool for school - what more could I ask for?

But also; from guardian.co.uk --

The Brazilian goalkeeper was accidentally kicked in the mouth by Philipp Degen as the pair challenged for a loose ball and needed Vedran Corluka's swift reaction to prevent him swallowing his tongue.

Yes, he apparently saved the day. (The goalie is going to be alright, thank god.)

Do I??? Do I??? Oh yes please, especially on a day like this!

Drama in pictures!

Stupid watermarks, get out of my way nowwww!!

Discuss.